What is Active listening?
Active listening describes the process of hearing a person's speech, while paying attention to their body language, to best interpret the intended meaning and feeling behind what they're saying (Tennant et. al., 2023; Jahromi et. al., 2016). The active listener demonstrates their interest and attentiveness through verbal and non-verbal cues.
Engaging in active listening requires thoughtfulness, patience and understanding. Here are several tips on how to practice actively listening to a survivor:
Be well-intentioned and avoid using victim blaming language (See below for further details)
Victim blaming involves implying that a survivor experienced sexual violence due to provoking their perpetrator through their actions, words, or how they dress.
As such, we recommend using clarifying language such as:
"This is how I'm interpreting what you're saying.. does this align with your experience and what you're trying to communicate?"
"Could you say that in another way or provide an example?"
"Sorry, I'm having trouble understanding, could you say this in another way?"
Offer supportive and non-judgemental listening cues while they share
Some good non-verbal cues include:
nodding your head,
maintaining eye contact,
leaning forward slightly and avoiding crossing your arms or being on your phone the whole time.
Some examples of affirming verbal cues can include "yes", "right", and "thank you for sharing".
Let the survivor take their time when speaking and don't rush them
Re-telling one's experiences of sexual violence can be overhwlemind and anxiety-inducing. As such, active listeners should hold space for the survivor by allowing long pauses and not rush a survivor to share their experience.
For example, if the survivor stops or says they no longer want to continue sharing, the active listener should respect their boundaries and change the subject or end the conversation.
Re-assure the survivor that you care about them
Here are a few reassuring phrases:
"Let me know how I can best support you"
"This should not have happened to you"
"I care about you and your presence in my life is very meaningful to me"
"What do you need from me?"
"If you ever need some time to chill, go for a walk, or just beside each other, I'm here for you"
"You did not deserve this"
"Your life matters"
"I will be beside you through this"
Additional information
Victim blaming is highly problematic because it places the full weight and responsibility on the survivor, and avoids holding the perpetrator accountable for committing sexual violence.
As an organization that supports intersectional feminism and equity, we believe that all survivors deserve healing and understanding of their experiences.
Bibliography
Psychology Benefits. (2017). How to Listen to Someone You Know Disclose Sexual Harassment or Assault. https://psychologybenefits.org/2017/11/22/how-to-listen-when-someone-you-know-discloses-sexual-harassment-or-assault/
Jahromi, V. K., Tabatabaee, S. S., Abdar, Z. E., & Rajabi, M. (2016). Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers. Electronic physician, 8(3), 2123–2128. https://doi.org/10.19082/2123
RAINN. Tips for Talking with Survivors of Sexual Assault. https://rainn.org/articles/tips-talking-survivors-sexual-assault
Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton. (2023). Victim Blaming. https://www.sace.ca/learn/victim-blaming/#1550593123036-dcb6f880-1034
Tennant K, Long A, Toney-Butler TJ. Active Listening. (2023, Sep 13). In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK442015/
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